- Biblical Analysis: Jesus' Use of the Word "Woman"
- Debate with "Little Less" on the Assumption of Mary: Parts One, Two, and Three
- Mary's Sinlessness: Parts One and Two
- October: Month of the Rosary
- Why We Pray to Mary
- Did Jesus Have Brothers?
- The Immaculate Conception, and the Study of Scripture
- For Our Lady of Guadalupe
- The Holy Family: A Triple Threat
- For the Feast of Mary, Mother of God
- May the Force Be with You
- Honor Your Mother
- More on Our Lady
- Why Did Mary Need to Be Sinless Her Whole Life?
My girlfriend Amy has been having some intense prayer experiences with Mary recently. Mary is slowly transforming her life and healing some of her wounds. Today in Mass, Amy received, through prayer, the distinct impression that her and I should "consecrate ourselves to Mary." I asked her if she thought this was to be a formal consecration, or just a general devoting ourselves more to Mary. She said she didn't really know, but "consecrate" was a word that she heard.
Amy has also come to the conclusion, again through prayer, that her and I should pray the rosary together. I want to do this....or rather, I want to want to do this. But, for some reason I am hesitant. Why? The hesitancy bothers me. I think I'm afraid that there will be days when I simply do not want to pray the rosary. What will we do then? "Sorry Amy, I don't feel like praying with you today." For all of my theological musing about Mary (see the links above), I simply do not pray to her as much as I ought.
I know the answer to all of this. Pray anyway. Push through it. There's merit in praying when you don't want to. It's just hard....especially whenever I pray a repetitive prayer like the Rosary.
Have you ever done that exercise where someone gives you an "I am" statement and you fill in the blank?
I am _____
I fill it in like this: I am anxious
So, I kneel there, and after about 5 minutes my neck starts getting stiff, which becomes a distraction while I'm trying to pray. Then, because I want the anxiety from this to go away, I start becoming increasingly aware of how many Hail Mary's I've prayed and how many I have left to pray. Then I become more and more anxious as I get closer to the finish line. By the time I'm finally done, my head is about to fall off because the muscles in my neck are pulling as hard as they can with all of their collective might. It's a freakin ordeal.
When I sit or lay down and pray, that helps a little. But, something about the repetitiveness of it and the fact that there is a very particular number of prayers to be prayed makes me really anxious. I'm still such a rookie when it comes to prayer. Please pray for me that I can lead my relationship with Amy into a greater dependance upon the patronage of Mary, especially during this month devoted to her. I want to be better, I really do, and I feel like my relationship depends on it.